


broken and barely breathing

by foxelot



Series: A-Z One-shots [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 02:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14251377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxelot/pseuds/foxelot
Summary: The sunlight glitters on the lake like the world hasn’t ended. The birds sings and the wind blows, but Merlin just sits.





	broken and barely breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the letter A and the theme Abandon.

The sunlight glitters on the lake like the world hasn’t ended. The birds sings and the wind blows, but Merlin just sits. He sits on the shore of the lake, staring out over the water. There’s no energy left for him to move, nothing worth moving for. He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there, wishing against everything that he’s only dreaming. But deep down he knows it’s not a dream. He knows that every second of the last few days have been nothing but earth-shatteringly real. He knows that every second going forward will be more of the same.

There’s a sound behind him, the breaking of a branch under a foot, but Merlin doesn’t turn. He no longer cares if it’s an enemy. Let them strike him down if they are. But instead all that happens is a large body settling down to sit next to him. For the first time in days (how many has it been anyway?), Merlin tears his gaze away from the water, away from Arthur. Instead blue eyes now stare at Percival. Merlin frowns. 

“What are you doing here?” he forces out. The words are hollow, cracked, empty. It’s a shock that he even manages to get any sound behind them, having not made so much as the little peep in so many days. 

Percival is quiet for the longest time and Merlin wonders if he’s lost his voice too. “Morgana learned where you were heading. I hoped that I could...” He trails off but Merlin can fill in the blanks. 

“She found us,” he says softly as he draws his knees up, whole body aching as he does so. “It’s too late. Arthur... ”

Any words that were meant to follow catch in Merlin’s throat. His eyes trail back to the same spot he’s been staring at since it happened. The world is quiet again, both men sitting in each other’s company trapped in their individual pain. The next time it’s broken is Percival. “We should head back. They need to know...” 

“You can,” Merlin says without looking at his knight friend again. His whole soul revolts at the idea of leaving. He can’t leave Arthur, can’t face a Camelot without him, can’t go back. He can never go back. “I’m staying here.” 

A large hand touches his shoulder, and Merlin flinches. “They’ll need you,” Percival tries to convince him. “You can’t abandon them now.” 

“I can’t...” This time Merlin sounds desperate, the most emotion he’s displayed in the days since Arthur’s boat disappeared from view. “I can’t go back there. I can’t leave him.”

“He’d want you to.” 

The words have Merlin’s head snapping up to look at Percival with wide blue eyes. In his grief, he hadn’t taken a moment to consider anything like that. He hadn’t considered what Arthur would have wanted for him if he could still want things. He hadn’t thought any further than himself, and now... now something in him snaps alive again, because Percival is right. Everything still hurts like hell, and Merlin is sure it always will, but there’s something there now, a thin shred of hope. “Then we go back,” he says once he can gather up the energy and wits to speak again. “For Arthur.”

Percival gives him the barest hint of a smile, pushing himself to his feet and reaching down a hand to help Merlin up.


End file.
